Since sending the boys to school I have been struggling to feel productive. School has its advantages. We are a lot nicer to each other. We love the daily homecomings. There is more peace and less yelling. I enjoy every minute I spend with my boys. I will admit that I have had times in the past when I didn't enjoy every minute, in fact I wanted to run away several times.
School has its disadvantages too. (Now this is all about me.) My self esteem has taken a hit. I feel like I haven't been very productive. I can get everything I want done by 9AM, then what. Noah and I are lost without the boys home. But more so, I don't feel like I am.... (I don't even know what the word is.) I have been so busy, too busy, for so many years, that I am at a loss with too much time on my hands. I read, I feel guilty. I am on the computer, guilt. I feel like I need a job, but don't want one.
I only have 4 hours a day with only one boy, I never want him to leave.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I've been through this. (Really, I'm not goofing on you!) This sense of "Now what?" can kick your butt!
ReplyDeleteIs there a pre-school or play group or something that you and your little guy can do a couple of times a week that will allow you to volunteer in a creative way, while at the same time spending time with him?
And stop feeling guilty about reading. Pull out a book for him, pull out a DIFFERENT book for you, snuggle together on the couch, and read 'together'. He'll feel so grown up, and you can feed your soul and your head!
And getting everything done by 9:00 a.m. is just wrong, Jess. Honestly, now I'm feeling guilty...
Sounds a lot like retirement. After rushing out the door every weekday for 43 years - and then NOTHING, I truly understand. DeNae makes some good suggestions. Maybe even a little pre-school for neighborhood kids a day or 2 a week would work. Also, they usually need room mothers at schools. Learn a little Spanish - I imagine there are lots of Spanish speaking folks in your area. Or - you could write a book for Moms who are thinking about homeschooling their kids - you are a total success at that. You're also such a great Mom and cook. Love, G. Allred
ReplyDeleteI've often wonder WHAT women do when they send their kids to school. Clean house more? Blech. Get a job? Too confining. Volunteer at the schools? Might as well homeschool if you're going to spend your "free time" with a bunch of kids.
ReplyDeleteI say you should take all that guilt, write it out on a lengthy sheet of paper - then BURN IT! Seriously, you've earned a year or two of "finding yourself" time.
Go find some women who only have one child and remind yourself how they spend their days. A lot of outings, play dates, Nick Jr., naps . . .
And remember, you can't WORK 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Imagine yourself working the afternoon/evening shift, and allow yourself some DOWN TIME during the day.
Everyone will thank you, 'cuz when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!
I bet that is a rough transition. Ever since I met you, I've been impressed with all you accomplish. I concur with the above comments. You don't need to feel guilty. You can definitely take a break. You've more than earned it. Then, when you just need to do something, find some good friends with whom you can go on walks, or to the park, or swimming, whatever your fancy for the day.
ReplyDeleteI sure do wish you were back here in AZ though. I am sure I could find something for you to do while I take a nap :)
Have another baby!
ReplyDelete-Melanie